Yoga can suck my....

I am now proclaiming, with 100% certainty, that I hate yoga. Now, this is not one of those of things where you dislike something and just substitute the word hate in place of a lesser word. I truly dislike with both intensity and passion yoga. The very thought of it brings bile up from the pit of my stomach into the back of my throat giving me both the sensation of nausea and a not so great taste in my mouth. That's how much I hate yoga.

First off, yoga is BORING!! Yes, I know - clear you mind, wash away the stress, become one with the universe (blah, blah, blah - I have a nice hemp t-shirt you can wear). That may work for people that have some ounce of flexibility, but for those people that were blessed with the movement characteristics of a 2x4, yoga is anything but relaxing. Each position is a constant vacillation between pain in places that should not feel pain and the complete and total inability to stay upright. I generally have two main thoughts while holding these yoga positions: 1) this #@*#&$# hurts and 2) holy crap I'm going to break my neck when I fall to the ground. Clear my mind? Right... I'm trying to prevent a workout accident that's going to result in paralysis.

The other problem is that because yoga is meant to be relaxing, calming, and (insert crunchy, granola eating, hippie mumbo-jumbo adjective here), it's SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. Not slow as in the workout takes longer than you think. Slow as in you think you've been doing something for an hour only to look up and realize you've only been there for five minutes.

Granted the yoga workout is the longest of all of the workouts - clocking in at 90 minutes - but three times a week I have my regular workout plus Ab Ripper X. Those workouts combined equal 75 minutes - almost as long as yoga. However, these workouts seems to fly by much quicker... probably because if you're not working you're changing weights, recording your reps, or grabbing a drink. Yoga just keeps going, and going, and going. It's like the Energizer bunny - except this is one bunny you want to strangle, main, and lop off the head so you can send it back to the company to prevent them from releasing another scourge upon the earth.

Alright - maybe I'm being a little melodramatic (not by much though). I'm able to get through the workout, it's just painfully slow, and I would rather be cutting my toenails than listening to Tony ramble on about yoga blocks, vinyasas, and how his "kids" are so glorious. However, I do recognize the benefits of the routine, and I will continue to tough it out. Not that I have a choice though considering the yoga workout is in every phase of the program. Well, at least you can look forward to more rants as the weeks progress. add to del.icio.us saved by 0 users